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by Mei Tsang

Fifty Ways to Leave Your Mark

This is the month I turn fifty. How did this happen? When I was in my twenties, fifty sounded ancient.
Yet here I am, still feeling like I just graduated law school. Some days I feel even younger, like I’m back in high school, until I bend over to pick something up and remember I’m very much not.

Turning fifty has stirred up a complex mixture of gratitude, nostalgia, and existential questioning.

I took some time to reflect, and this year particularly hit me hard. Being the President of the Bar has been so rewarding, but also complicated trying to balance the push and pull of competing interests. Also, I’ve wanted to make sure I continue to show up for my work and clients whose needs have not waned thankfully. Then there is being a mom to two teenage boys who are growing up so fast, and realizing they need me less—or at least in a much different way. Now sprinkle in a bit of perimenopause with the more frequent not so occasional hot flashes and hormonal chaos. . . well, it’s a recipe for internal mayhem! Compounding that with a year of having experienced significant changes in our world, and my personal world filled with losses, it causes one to have a whiplash of emotions.

And yet… I’m still here. I show up and I smile in the pictures. But trust me, there are moments of doubt. Doubts such as am I enough? Also, who am I now? What is this life thing about? Before I had much time to ponder or worry, the injection of unexpected laughter and delight from those around me carried me through. That’s what fifty has taught me: how to let it all in—the pain, the joy, the absurdity. The grace.

So, in honor of this milestone, I wanted to share fifty things I’ve learned. Hope you enjoy them.

About Life (and Sanity)

• It’s okay to reset your goals (like I want to share fifty, but I am using bullets points, so we don’t know).
• If the grass looks greener, water your own first. Pull the weeds. Fertilize.
• Don’t let yesterday’s woes or tomorrow’s worries kidnap today’s joy.
• Always try to do better every day (by the late and great John Hulburt).
• Don’t embarrass people. They’ll never forget.
• If you haven’t danced since you were six, don’t sign up for “Ballet I.” Start with Beginner Ballet (learned that from a friend!)
• Say “no” without guilt. Say “yes” with intention.
• There’s no shame in crying in your car, buying a box of Oreos just for yourself, or telling people you are busy when you really just want to stay home.

About Being a Lawyer

• Being a good lawyer is not about knowing all the law, but having the confidence in knowing that you will figure it out.
• To figure it out, there is no shortcut but to keep working/researching/writing, repeat and repeat.
• Integrity is more important than billable hours and money.
• Keep investing in yourself. Learn and grow.
• Don’t be afraid of technology. It will evolve and so should you.
• Find your fan club and be fans of others.
• Learn to be resilient as you will make mistakes.
• Work with people that share the same value system.
• Resolve conflict early and truthfully.
• Be kind and say please and thank you to everyone. People notice.

About Family, Marriage and Kids

• Never start serious conversations after dinner with anyone, especially your spouse.
• Don’t compare your kids with others, or you to other parents.
• Your kids will remember how you made them feel more than what you said.
• Take pictures often, even if everyone is annoyed; they always want to see them later.
• Moms: make sure you are in some of the pictures and videos.
• Teach boys about what girls go through, especially physically, and how strong they are. Teach girls about how boys are also sensitive and emotional.
• Show up for birthdays, weddings, graduations, and funerals.
• Just go with it. At the end of the day, we are just trying our best.

About Friends and the Rest

• Friendships require maintenance. Schedule that lunch. Send the text.
• Some friends are for a season. Some for life. Cherish both.
• When someone’s hurting, say something or just sit with them. Even if it is awkward.
• Laughter and a good cry with love are the best medicine.
• You don’t need 100 friends, just a few who get your weird.

And Finally, About Me

• I am still learning about myself, and that is exciting.
• I’ve learned to carry grief and joy at the same time.
• I’ve learned it’s okay to not have all the answers.
• And I’ve learned that turning fifty is not the end. It’s the beginning of something deeper, freer, and more grounded.

Finally I hope to see you all at our annual OCBA Charitable Fund’s Raise Your Glass Event on August 14, 2025, at The Newport Beach Country Club. All monies raised will go to our local nonprofits. They very much need our help, so donate, attend, and have fun!

Mei Tsang, wants you to share with her what your life lessons are. Feel free to send her a few at mtsang@umbergzipser.com.