by Richard W. Millar, Jr.

In 1987, Mickey & Sylvia released their recording of the song “Love is Strange.” The first verse said: “Love, love is strange, Lot of people take it for a game.”

Truer words were never spoken, or, in the case of Mickey & Sylvia, sung.

Or, in the case of this column, litigated.

One Chris Sevier is a former lawyer from Tennessee. According to the Board of Professional Responsibility of the Supreme Court of Tennessee, his law license was transferred to “disability inactive status,” whatever that means, in 2011. He remains, however, an active litigant in his own causes.

Mr. Sevier is, or claims to be, in love.

With his laptop.

When I first stumbled upon this story, my first question was “what kind of laptop does he have?” The laptops that I have had over the years were, frankly, not that interesting and definitely not marriage material.

My curiosity remains, unfortunately, unsatisfied, although there are unconfirmed reports that it is a 2011 MacBook. Mr. Sevier’s marital or premarital relationship with his laptop (as opposed to its consummation, which is a concept I don’t even want to think about) has been the subject of several lawsuits.

A lawsuit he brought in Kentucky was dismissed by United States District Judge Henry Willhoit. He and his co-plaintiff, someone named Elizabeth Ording, sued the Governor and the Attorney General of Kentucky as well as the clerk of Rowan County for refusal to issue them marriage licenses. Not for the marriage of the two of them mind you, but for him with his laptop and her with her parrot. The complaint identified him as a “machinist” and her as a “zoophile,” apparently in line with their marital preferences.

In what will come as no surprise, the defendants moved to dismiss arguing that the complaint did “not establish a plausible entitlement to relief.”

The court ruled that “there is no constitutionally protected . . . interest in marrying one’s laptop, nor . . . in marrying an animal.” The court also observed that the plaintiffs filed similar lawsuits in Texas, Tennessee, Utah, and South Carolina—an interesting necklace of venues—and had “yet to prevail.”

Mr. Sevier alone (and thus unencumbered by parrot or other ornithological issues) sued the Utah County Clerk, the Utah Governor, and the Utah Attorney General in the United States District Court. Again, not surprisingly, there was a motion to dismiss, but this time Mr. Sevier also brought a motion to amend his complaint. Mr. Sevier’s claim was, again, that the clerk refused to issue a marriage license to marry a machine. (I wonder if clerks everywhere have a warning poster with Mr. Sevier’s picture, but I digress.)

Mr. Sevier’s motion to amend included a request to add two polygamists as parties and the two polygamists filed a separate motion to intervene. In the interests of “moving the case forward,” the court granted the motion to amend and “invited” the two polygamists to join if they so wished. In so doing, the court also noted that many of Mr. Sevier’s conclusory allegations “and extended legal and philosophical arguments do not help state Mr. Sevier’s claims.” The court also stated that there were some allegations throughout that may raise cognizable claims such as the allegation that he married his laptop in New Mexico and Utah refused to recognize that marriage.

This is likely to be one of the more imaginative challenges to full faith and credit to come down the pike in a while. One wonders what went on in New Mexico and how, if it did, a laptop marriage license slipped through the clerk’s office.

Mr. Sevier had previously sued Apple because his computer displayed pornography which in turn caused him “to be out of sync” with his wife. He has, it would seem, forgiven Apple, or at least his MacBook, for these transgressions in light of his newly declared devotion to his computer. I am assuming his wife is no longer in the picture, in view of the alleged New Mexico marriage, but perhaps bigamy is not implicated if the new bride is only a laptop.

I am waiting for the day that his MacBook becomes “out of sync” with him and sues (presumably in New Mexico) for divorce.

Richard W. Millar, Jr. is Of Counsel with the firm of Friedman Stroffe & Gerard, P.C. in Newport Beach. He can be reached at rmillar@fsglawyers.com.