by Richard W. Millar, Jr.

There are a number of versions of the folk song “Salty Dog Blues.” The Kingston Trio had a version just called “Salty Dog,” as did Flatt and Scruggs and Johnny Cash, among others. According to my research, the song may have originated in 1938, which was a great year for reasons I shan’t discuss, when the Morris Brothers recorded “Let Me Be Your Salty Dog,” which later became known as the Bluegrass standard “Salty Dog Blues.”

While the lyrics varied widely, most included a chorus of “Let me be your Salty Dog.” “Salty Dog” was a term of endearment, sometimes meant for someone who spent his life at sea and sometimes affectionately referring to an ornery friend who cusses.

It was also a cocktail made of gin and grapefruit juice served in a salted glass.

But this is not about songs or drinks as many of you familiar with my tenuous transitions might have guessed.

It’s about a judge.

Specifically, one F. William Cullins of Montgomery County, Kansas.

The Supreme Court of Kansas recently issued an opinion suspending Judge Cullins for one year based primarily on his salty language employing the “F-word” in all its available conjugations.

In fact, according to the opinion, Judge Cullins used the word so often that a court clerk “created a swear journal documenting multiple instances of [his] profanity.” And, even the clerk admitted the journal was incomplete.

In one instance, which probably contributed to the swear journal, the clerk asked to speak to the judge about a negative evaluation the clerk had received from a supervisor. The clerk was told to “sit down in that f***ing chair” and not to say, “a f***ing word,” to keep his “f***ing mouth shut,” and to “get the f*** out of my sight and shut the f***ing door on your way out.”

This is one of those situations in which I am glad I am not my editor, but I digress.

On another occasion, Ms. Pratt, the Chief Clerk of the District Court of Montgomery County, was overseeing a remodeling project that included new carpeting. She asked the judge if the carpet layers could install some extra carpet in the elevators, which one might erroneously think was an innocuous question. The judge became angry and told her he “didn’t give a f*** about the carpeting” and that it “wasn’t our f***ing building” and “she should call the city manager.”

After her lunch break, she approached the judge and allowed as how she was embarrassed about the incident which had taken place in front of two hapless carpet layers. He told her, “If you think I’m going to f***ing apologize to you, I’m not.”

A lawyer’s assistant memorialized a conversation with the judge as follows:

When I called Judge Cullins to set the hearing and told him the names of the parties, he said, “Oh f***. Them again?” Then he asked if [my boss] represents “the dude or the chick.” When I told him that [my boss] represented [the female client], he said, “Oh f*** really? She’s f***ing crazy.” He then went on to say, “I used to think the guy was ok, but the longer this goes on, I’m starting to think he may be f***ing crazy too.”

A lawyer testified that he heard the judge use obscenities so frequently that it was “just routine.” He also said that the judge used b**** and c*** often in talking about women, including once in the same sentence.

In still another instance, he returned an arrest warrant packet to the Office of Montgomery County Attorney, saying that it should have been sent to another docket and writing “Larry said so doesn’t f***ing cut it,” and signing his name.

His defense, and I swear I am not making this up, was that the use of the word “f*** is so common in the current culture’s vernacular that it is now ubiquitous and has nothing to do with character,” and that, while he had a salty personality, he did not intend to harm anyone. He further claimed that “cussing is so common in Southeast Kansas that the entire region would take offense at the suggestion that the use of the word connotes a negative reflection on an individual’s character.” He goes so far to suggest that the very idea reflects only the stereotypical bias of the panel.

In rejecting his defense and ordering suspension, the court turned down his request to Let me be your Salty Dog.

Richard W. Millar, Jr. is Of Counsel with the firm of FSG Lawyers PC in Irvine. He can be reached at rmillar@fsglawyers.com.