by Richard W. Millar, Jr.

Is it just me, or have we as a people become obsessed with animals? YouTube and Facebook are peppered with “cute” cat videos. There seem to be whole cable channels devoted to shows promoting the lives of various animals. Big-box pet stores abound so you can buy truckloads of kibbles. For all I know, there may be a bill pending in Congress to tack pet insurance onto Obamacare.

I was pondering this recently whilst in Houston for the Midyear Meeting of the ABA House of Delegates where the delegates (including yours truly) passed a resolution that urged legislation to prohibit the possession, sale, breeding, import, or transfer of dangerous wild animals to protect public safety and to ensure the humane treatment of such animals. It passed of course without opposition. I mean, who is going to get up in front of 540-odd (sometimes in both senses of the word) lawyers and argue in favor of lions, tigers, and other wild carnivores roaming the streets of suburbia?

But, at some point you have to ask: is this really a big problem? Throughout the United States? While sometimes it seems that half the world wants to do us in, I have not read of any plots to do so by parachuting wild animals into downtown Manhattan. The traffic alone would get them before animal control could be dispatched.

And then there are service animals.

When I was young, there was no such thing. There were guide dogs for the blind but that was it. And they were called, unsurprisingly, guide dogs. Today’s vernacular had not been invented. The Americans with Disabilities Act only includes dogs and, for some reason, miniature horses, as service animals. The Fair Housing Act includes comfort and emotional support animals without restricting the definition to particular species. I have written on this subject before; I think it was about a monkey in a WalMart. Legislation that starts out with good intentions often gets stretched to the breaking point.

Take, for example, a kangaroo.

According to reports, Officer Rich Dahl of Beaver Dam, Wisconsin was dispatched to the local McDonalds—I am assuming there are not too many in Beaver Dam, but what do I know—because of a complaint involving a diner with a kangaroo. (I am guessing that while beavers might be plentiful in Beaver Dam, kangaroos are relatively rare, but I digress.) It turns out the woman had a baby kangaroo wrapped in a blanket and ensconced in an infant car seat, which she claimed (the kangaroo, not the car seat) was a service animal to help her cope. According to the story, she produced a doctor’s letter to back up her claim. (I would have guessed finding a doctor in Beaver Dam to opine that a baby kangaroo was a service animal would have been a long shot, to say the least, but, apparently, I would have been wrong.)

Or therapy ducks.

One Darin Welker, a veteran in Lafayette, Ohio, suffering from depression and PTSD, was convicted for keeping fourteen “therapy” ducks in violation of a city ordinance that banned farm animals. He has appealed, claiming that his medical needs trump the ordinance. The City in its Respondent’s Brief asserted that Mr. Welker knew the ducks were prohibited and failed to provide any medical evidence that the ducks were medically necessary. (I bet I could find a doctor in Beaver Dam who would say so, but, again, I digress.) The appeals court hasn’t ruled as yet, but it would be hard pressed to duck the issue.

And zombie cats.

One Ellis Hutson has sued the Tampa Bay Humane Society for the return of his “zombie cat” Bart. Bart, it seems, was killed when hit by a car and was then buried by the side of the road. Five days later, a little the worse for wear, but alive, Bart came home meowing for food. Bart is being cared for by the Humane Society while he recovers, but the Humane Society wants to find him a new adoptive home. It allegedly “revoked” Mr. Hutson’s custody because of a posted video in which Mr. Hutson’s girlfriend said that Bart might not have been dead when she found him because “he was moving and stuff.” That might have been a clue, but then again I am not a veterinarian. A trial date, I gather, has not been set.

Before you know it, they will be installing pet doors in courthouses to handle all the litigation.

Richard W. Millar, Jr. is a member of the firm of Millar, Hodges & Bemis in Newport Beach. He can be reached at millar@mhblaw.net.