by Richard W. Millar, Jr.

It is hard to believe it has been over forty years since Rowan and Martin’s Laugh In ruled television and made the phrases, “Sock it to me,” and “Here come da Judge,” part of our everyday lexicon. Every week, Judy Carne or some other staff member would be tricked into saying “sock it to me” invoking an immediate water dousing or a clunk on the head. And frequently some unfortunate miscreant would be brought before an imaginary court with Flip Wilson enthusiastically intoning: “Here come da Judge!”

It was one of the most exuberantly silliest hours in television history and nothing since has come close to matching it. Not in real life, and certainly not in judicial opinions.

At least, until now.

Here come da Judge, specifically Judge Dean A. Young of the Blackford Circuit Court, which is somewhere in Indiana, penning an order entitled, and I swear I am not making this up, “ORDER DIRECTING PROPER ATTIRE BE WORN BY TODD A. GLICKFIELD.”

I know all of us have seen some pretty unusual outfits worn by those who become grist for the judicial mill. The most egregious offenders would often be visited by a bailiff and, if a whisper in the ear didn’t do the trick, would promptly be shown the courtroom door. Here in these days of strafed and riddled budgets, bailiffs are often relics of the more prosperous past. Maybe that is the same in Blackford County and they have no bailiffs to whisper in someone’s ear, but a written order does seem just a little south of extreme.

So what did Mr. Glickfield, a lawyer, wear to invoke such a sartorial dressing down, so to speak?

Actually, it was not what he wore; it was what he didn’t wear.

Socks.

That’s right. You read it correctly. Mr. Glickfield didn’t wear socks.

According to the order, the court during a break had advised the sockless Mr. Glickfield that he “was not appropriately dressed as required by the Local Rules and that the [c]ourt would insist upon him wearing socks should he choose to present cases in the Blackford Circuit Court in the future.” (I have read a lot of local rules in my time, including local-local rules, and I don’t recall ever seeing the word “socks,” but I digress.)

Again, according to the order, Mr. Glickfield replied: “I hate socks.” He also said that he had “this conversation with other judges in other courts and that, unless the Judge of the Blackford Circuit Court could show him applicable ‘orders or other legal authority,’” he would continue his habit of appearing sockless in court. (As a general rule, I have observed that it is never a smart idea to throw the gauntlet, or perhaps a metaphorical sock, at the court because, even if you are right, you still lose, but again I digress.)

Hence the order which contained the “findings” that the local rules required “appropriate business attire” and that the court “considers socks to constitute part of ‘appropriate business attire’ for male members of the bar presenting cases before the court.”

The order continued, “Attorney Glickfield is directed to never again appear for a legal proceeding in the Blackford Circuit Court unless he is entirely clad in ‘appropriate business attire’ which includes socks upon his feet.” Should he attempt to do so, the order warned that he would be subject to monetary sanctions “and other sanctions for contempt.” The clerk of the court was directed to distribute the order “to all members of the Blackford County Bar, as well as to Attorney Todd A. Glickfield.”

I guess you could say the moral of this story is never take on da Judge because da Judge will sock it to you.

Richard W. Millar, Jr. is a member of the firm of Millar, Hodges & Bemis in Newport Beach. He can be reached at millar@mhblaw.net.