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July 2017 - Mining Olympic Gold

by Richard W. Millar, Jr.

The purpose of a résumé is to let others know your accomplishments. At least, in theory that is what a résumé is for. In the unreal world, the purpose seems to be to publish that which you would like others to think you are. Or what you wish you were or what you think you need to portray to lure in the unsuspecting. And, while I have no direct experience, I suspect that résumés on dating sites are, well, padded.

It has been a long time, fortunately, since I have had to hire someone. One particular experience has pierced through the fog of time. One day about twenty years ago, I met with a prospective secretary and the interview lasted probably an hour and a half. She was extremely personable with an engaging sense of humor. She went to the top of the list. As she had explained in our meeting, her most recent job, which lasted six to seven years as I recall, was at a company in Pasadena which she said had since gone out of business so there was no one there with whom I could verify her employment. Her next most recent employment, which was before that, was with a lawyer whom I did not know in Orange County. Since I could not verify her most recent job, I called the lawyer. I remember the conversation as if it were yesterday as it has been wood-burned on my brain.

I asked, and I don’t know why I phrased it so exactly: “Did she leave on good terms?”

His reply, both succinct and responsive, was, “Well, she left in handcuffs.”

It turned out that there was no defunct company in Pasadena. The six to seven years had been spent in the Chino women’s prison for embezzling from the lawyer from whose office she had been so unceremoniously escorted. Even though I knew at this point there was no chance in hell I would hire her, out of curiosity I called another lawyer for whom she said she had worked before the “handcuffs” lawyer. Turned out she had stolen from him as well.

Apparently, the fact of my investigation got back to her, and she called our office the next day and told our receptionist that she was “withdrawing her application.” It would be fair to say her message was redundant.

I am sure that some lawyers’ résumés are, to put it kindly, optimistic. Somewhere there is a line between optimistic and just plain false. While it may be difficult to articulate the line, it is not that hard to tell when it has been crossed.

Take Ali S. Zaidi.

Please.

Zaidi’s résumé listed his employment with the Great Lakes Legal Group, which turned out to be (a) not a group, and (b) not in the Great Lakes, nor, for that matter, anywhere else. He later described it as an “idea that is still in progress.” Also, contrary to his “various” résumés, he was neither licensed in Missouri nor Connecticut, he was never a summer associate with the Connecticut firm of Carmody Torrance, he was never a summer associate with the Missouri firm of Gilmore & Bell, and he was similarly never a summer associate of Honigman Miller Schwartz & Cohn in Michigan. He was also never awarded a Master of Liberal Arts from Harvard.

That’s a lot of “nevers,” but there is one more, which is my personal favorite. He claimed he was a member of the U.S. Field Hockey team and had competed in the 1996 Olympics held in Atlanta, Georgia.

I don’t know how or why, but he, or more accurately his résumés, came to the attention of the Michigan Attorney Disciplinary Board. One of the charges was that he never provided the State Bar with his address. At the hearing, the questions went like this:

Q. “Where do you live now?”

“I currently—my—to establish clarity on that, this has been a source of some issues and concerns. I will be in Texas. My whole goal after my tenure ended in Michigan is--“

Q. “See, it’s not a trick question. Where do you live now?”

“I have a place. It’s not a simple answer. I’m trying to explain to you and give you that answer as well. Texas was a goal, which was why I always put Texas.”

It turned out after that tortuous exchange (some of which I left out) the Texas address was not a residence at all, but was his father’s office in some multi-tenant office building. The actual question was never answered.

The panel recommended disbarment, which was later upheld by the State’s Disciplinary Board.

As far as I am concerned, as fake résumés go,

Mr. Zaidi brought home the gold.

Richard W. Millar, Jr. is a member of the firm of Friedman Stroffe & Gerard, P.C. in Newport Beach. He can be reached at rmillar@fsglawyers.com.

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